One night, my friend and I were discussing the states of our lives, and as I was texting, I realized what an emotional roller coaster I’ve been on ever since last year. I’d gone through a semester of cluelessness, then another full of spite and angst. Long rants and breakdowns, new relationships and broken ones. Then a summer dedicated to self-love and care. And here I am now, holding on to what’s left of my summer self’s philosophy, but also zooming fast past life in a straight line–with apathy, the part of this roller coaster that concerns me the most.
I remember telling that friend about one of my ultimate goals in life, to always be sure to stop and smell the roses but not sit in despair for hours if I were to get pricked by a couple of thorns. I had become so accustomed to being upset and venting to my friends that not doing so felt alien to me, and my plan to keep myself happy and healthy had caused me to forget to take in life for the weird, yet perfect, thing it is. But another friend of mine pointed out that the coldness of the winter may stuff our noses, making us unable to appreciate and smell those roses, the beautiful things in life. And that’s okay.
So looking back, maybe my analogy was flawed. We cannot control everything that happens to us, and sometimes we just have to let it all out–numbness is not a trait that is natural to man. Maybe we, ourselves, are roses, delicate and beautiful, but still adorned with thorns and scratches, left to grow despite the everyday challenges we may face. There will be cold days and winter slumps, there will be pests that may eat at us and try to disfigure our loveliness, and it’ll be alright to just slow down and break down. But after everything, we will grow again…because the world is our garden, and after every cold winter comes a warm and welcoming spring.
To Brooke & Gina, as well as all of my friends currently going through hard times. May your cold winters come to an end soon.